oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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