It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
