i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
