I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The struggles of a small town man whore
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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