I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
