Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
