I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
