Don't you send me to vm
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
