3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
