Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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