U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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