The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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