Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
