shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
