Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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