Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk is not a location!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
