I want you more than these girls want KFC
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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