Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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