i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
