M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
