I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
