We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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