It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
