Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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