I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
