I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
