Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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