i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
