oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
