she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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