my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
