Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
