The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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