In the future we'll all be gay
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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