Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
