Pappa wants mamma naked
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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