what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
