It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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