remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
