I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize