God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
