He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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