So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
