Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We had to coat check the pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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