plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
