Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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