the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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