Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
