Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
