Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
