I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
