Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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