its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize