last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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