I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
