sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
