champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
