forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
