i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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