Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
