I wish I only lived at night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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