I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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