Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Randomize
