the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
