Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
