So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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