so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
