you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
