Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize