i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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