It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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