dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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